Blog

Breaking the Dam, Releasing Its Tears & Falling...........

Aug 10, 2011

I’ve been on a high for quite a run.

I’ve managed to stay ahead of the void that lingers inside of me for months now.

(How many? I don’t know. Not keeping track)

“Kept the latch on it,” so to speak, in order to walk over it and hide its existence. Yesterday, though, I had one of the darkest days I’ve had in a while. Nothing on my mind, really, just my subconscious yanking me up and around like a tornado and spitting me out, weak and beaten.

I held back tears for most of the day.

When the bastards wouldn’t stay in their ducts, I locked myself in the bathroom, splashed water on my face and regrouped myself. When I finally got back to the hotel, and after dinner, I finally let myself go. I released everything I constantly (consciously and subconsciously) stuff down, ignore and run away from, curled myself up around the soft duvet and dried myself of tears, from the inside out.

In life, when one has been filled with everything they’ve never thought of let alone can ever imagine they’ve ever needed/desired/wanted, to where one’s heart and surroundings have been jammed beyond the brim of wholeness and contentment…and the world decides to rip it all away, multiple times, over and over, it creates a vacuum; A vacuum that can only be filled by the same “substance” that left it an intolerant

non-refillable abyss.

I’ve managed to superficially fill this space with distractions, however what goes UP must come DOWN and boy, when I come down, it’s hard. After many years of this rollercoaster effect, I understand it and accept it as they come. Today’s another day, my mind’s fresh, still a little stagnant, but RELEASED.

Ahhhhh.

I’m not quite “BACK” yet, but I’m on my way.

Enjoy “HUMP” day all.
Back to crankin’ the gears…

To the future: Come what may, I’m ready for ya.

It's lonely and exhausting when you leave only yourself to fall back on...
however, who better to count on, then yourself?

xoxox